Monday, April 04, 2011

backwards reversed.

Sad days come when I get trapped in the lie that life should give me something...rather than that I should give it my all.

I get blue.
I wish for what I have not.
I realize how selfish I can be and that I have rights to...nothing.
I deserve nothing, and that's the flat-out-honest-mind-blowing truth.
It makes someone else's sacrifice for you that much more real and gut-wrenching.

Often I wonder about how my worries, my own mini temper tantrums, actually reflect my view of God.
I forget I am here to serve Him...not for Him to serve me.
If that were true, He would not be God.

Everything I have is a gift from Him.


Every. Little. Thing.

With that in mind...

In approximately 41 days I will be unemployed....
Mid-May to Mid-August.
That's a long time.
It's a necessary time.

It's simply the way my contract works...and I will be in school all of July...and let's be honest, I need some down time in order to be properly functioning in society. It will benefit us all, really. Especially my poor housemates (I used to be the girl that didn't cry that much. I don't know if I can say that anymore...and maybe that's okay).

Someone asked me how I was feeling about lacking a paycheck for three months.

I looked deep down inside and responded:
When I remember who God is, I have peace about it.
When I forget who He is, I start to panic.
So, I just need to remember who He is.

Here's to remembering who God is.
And remembering who I am.
And to remembering how the relationship we have doesn't require me to panic, or try to manipulate life into working for me, or always think about the next thing.

What it does ask me is this..
How do I live justly, love mercy and walk humbly...with Him? That's my measuring stick.
Because really, everything else is temporary.


  1. Christa Brand8:36 PM

    Love this Kathleen! I needed that reminder today as I try and plan my life my way. Thanks!

  2. i might read this again... and again.

  3. Thanks for the amazing words Kathleen. They were exactly what I needed to read tonight. Malcolm and I have a motto that we are trying to remember to say more often, "God is God and I am not!" Helps put things in perspective. Thanks for turning my eyes back to the author and creator of life.

  4. Beautiful. I have read this again... and again. ;)

  5. Thank you for this. I have already read this a few times over. Profound. Thank you.

    Think of you often


  6. I just stumbled across your blog from Jenne up there leaving a comment on mine... and I just have to echo what everyone above me has said - this is profoundly beautiful. I will read it again... and again.

    Thank you so very kindly for that, and reminding me of what I need to remember.

    Thank you.


  7. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. It's a good message for me to hear, too.

  8. Anonymous8:10 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I sit here so guilty and so often need reminding. Thank you again. God bless. -Chelsea T.

  9. Thanks Ladies...
    I was hesitant to post it, but obviously it was beneficial for me to do so!

    Laura - nice to "meet" you :) I've heard great things about you from Mel, and I actually ran into Joel right when you guys moved to Abbotsford! Hope to meet you in person one day!

  10. Being unemployed is scary, for sure. After I left UP, I was underemployed for 10 months and there were some stressful times. But God took very good care of me and looking back I realize that I didn't really lack anything I needed. I pray that God will provide everything you need and that you will have peace. ~Andrea Wiens