Tonight I write with a face full of the ugly tears.
It is rather ironic when I realize my last two entries were so positive...that now I write almost with the opposite experience. But I think it shows the balance. And the truth about the untruth that I sometimes believe.
Today's untruth I believe:
I am unloved. And I am unlovable.
I feel alone. And whether or not that is true, it is what I feel.
I think everyone else is privileged and favoured to have a 'someone' who loves them. And whether or not that is true, it is what I feel.
I want to know that I will have a story in which I will find a love, have babies, and raise a family who loves God and loves one another; I believe I'm running out of time. And whether or not that is true, it is what I feel.
I think there must be something wrong with me that is keeping me single. And whether or not that is true, it is what I feel.
I know part of my angst, part of my willingness to believe this untruth is tiredness from working 12 days straight. I know part of this is lack of time with friends who speak truth to me. But I also know there is an enemy who is seeking to destroy me. He knows exactly where to target me.
I share all of this not to seek your pity or your guilt.
I ask that if you read this, you today encourage someone you love, maybe someone you haven't seen in a while. Speak truth into that person's life. Remind them that untruth is a lie.
Because I know I'm not the only one who has a target on her.
I haven't seen of spoken to you in a long time.... and in truth, I rarely read your blog posts, but for some reason I clicked on it tonight, and I have read your "untruth", and I have felt that untruth myself so many times. I wanted to share with you that you are not alone, and for me, it wasn't until I completely let go of my idea of the perfect life (man,child, home full of love) that it found me. It's easy to say that in retrospect but it was hard to live through it. I know you will find your happily ever after, so long as you are willing to accept it in ANY form, not just the form you desire...
ReplyDeleteLove to you my friend!
We LOVE you, Kathleen. Hugs and prayers. Sometimes the untruth REALLY SUCKS.
ReplyDeleteHey friend. Thanks for sharing your heart. It urged me to rant a rant that has been brewing for months. Yay blogs. My prayer for you is that you would know the TRUTH of the great LOVE that surrounds you - and that you would see the meaning and purpose of what God has for you in the now. AND - that God would hasten to fulfill your heart's desire.
ReplyDeleteOh Kathleen! You ARE loved! You are of high value! My prayers for you will continue. Hugs to you my friend! Thank you for your honesty and for sharing, I'm glad you are willing to be open so that we may surround you even in your tough moments.
ReplyDeleteYou are loved. You are amazing. You are the best person for your job. Always. You always have & always will be an inspiration to me. You may be waiting for the husband love part of your dream... and I waited for the baby part of mine for a very long time. My prayer is finally coming true. I will continue to pray that yours soon comes true as well, whatever that looks like. Blessings on you.
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