backwards reversed.

Sad days come when I get trapped in the lie that life should give me something...rather than that I should give it my all.

I get blue.
I wish for what I have not.
I realize how selfish I can be and that I have rights to...nothing.
I deserve nothing, and that's the flat-out-honest-mind-blowing truth.
It makes someone else's sacrifice for you that much more real and gut-wrenching.

Often I wonder about how my worries, my own mini temper tantrums, actually reflect my view of God.
I forget I am here to serve Him...not for Him to serve me.
If that were true, He would not be God.

Everything I have is a gift from Him.

Honestly.

Every. Little. Thing.

With that in mind...

In approximately 41 days I will be unemployed....
Mid-May to Mid-August.
That's a long time.
It's a necessary time.

It's simply the way my contract works...and I will be in school all of July...and let's be honest, I need some down time in order to be properly functioning in society. It will benefit us all, really. Especially my poor housemates (I used to be the girl that didn't cry that much. I don't know if I can say that anymore...and maybe that's okay).

Someone asked me how I was feeling about lacking a paycheck for three months.

I looked deep down inside and responded:
When I remember who God is, I have peace about it.
When I forget who He is, I start to panic.
So, I just need to remember who He is.

Here's to remembering who God is.
And remembering who I am.
And to remembering how the relationship we have doesn't require me to panic, or try to manipulate life into working for me, or always think about the next thing.

What it does ask me is this..
How do I live justly, love mercy and walk humbly...with Him? That's my measuring stick.
Because really, everything else is temporary.