The glass half empty.

I have had a hard week. I'll be honest with you. This idea of overlapping teams is no picnic (and I think we're learning the hard way). So we started off with a bang...103 youth...and then added another 54 on Wednesday. The staff returned Wednesday night from working with the 103, to leave for a hotel for the night...while the remaining 4 of us took on the 54.

It was going well...Wednesday night at 3am, I woke, convinced that the ceiling was going to cave in because it was raining so hard. We have a "skylight" in our room...basically a piece of plastic in place of tin, in order that our room was not so cave-like...and I could see the lightning through that plastic. It basically was tropical storm weather....and the next day the 103 were supposed to have vacation..white water rafting and canopy tour in the jungle. Little did we know that 24 hours of rain had led to major flooding. So much flooding, in fact, that the river was too high for rafting, and the bridge that led to the place where the canopy tour ended, was covered in water. So here we are - at the base, 2 hours away from the 103 (who had 3 of our staff with them) - doing training for 54...and DeLynn is on the phone every break that he has, talking with our staff out there...trying to coordinate and figure out what's gonna happen. In the meantime, it had been raining so much here as well, that our water became contaminated. It was all pretty much a nightmare.

Our staff came back that morning from the hotel, still wanting to hang out and re-connect with each other. They missed each other, which was great, but being "in charge" I knew all that needed to get done, and knew that they needed to start connecting with the youth that were already here. I felt like the glass was very much half empty that day. I was very stressed, and very tired from having tried to run interference - and then I had to call the staff together to give my "call to arms" and almost didn't make it through the meeting without a few tears on my part. I fully recognize that we can't do this alone. In order to do this summer well, in order to keep our sanity, and our health...we need to be in the grasp of God first and foremost, and secondly, we need each other. Our family of 20 needs to keep short accounts, needs to look out for each other, needs to be pro-active in seeing that which needs to get done...and ultimately...our own selfishness cannot be a major factor here. The "I've already cleaned the bathroom this week" attitude....well....it goes no where but downhill.

Why am I telling you all this? I really don't know. I guess because I'm trying to find that tough balance of being gracious and getting the job done.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days where you could just show up and enjoy the ride...and not be in charge of the ride, not having to ensure that everyone fits on the ride, that the ride runs smoothly, and that the ride is fun. Leadership can be a beautiful monster.

I guess I'm debriefing with you. And realizing that this is only week #2.