Rack-Wall-Ski

Some days the grey (gray?) of this constant January rain, rain, and more rain, can get to me.

Some days my hope gets...misplaced. Perhaps one day I will share more of those thoughts here, but today I need to share of joy.

It is hard to stay too long in a miserable heart place when you live with the kind of kids that I do.

Tonight I got to watch the kiddos while Carleigh and Gary went out for dinner.

And it was fantastic.

A summary:

Jane shared all about Chris and Martin (of the famed Zaboomafoo/Wild Kratts variety); specifically about how she wants to kiss Chris, go into the tv and play with him...and kiss him again. She also reminded me that we have popcorn in the house (a very important fact, I guess, for a 3 year old).

Charlee talked about her first horseback ride on Midnight, the "kindest and gentlest horse of them all". Her eyes lit up just thinking about it. And she mentioned how she had to be very careful with the "tissue in between his hooves" (um, are you 6 or are you 20? geez these kids are growing up too fast).

And then there's Bodhi, who talked all about Rachwalski (see pronunciation above), his kindergarten learning center teacher. I love, love, love that Bo doesn't call her Mrs. Rachwalski, but just "Rachwalski", like she's some sort of business partner:

..."Yeah, Rachwalski tells me to put my hand up when I have a question"
..."I made cookies with Rachwalski"
..."Yeah, that's what Rachwalski does"

I'm half expecting to come home one day and have Bo tell me "Rachwalski said that we should diversify our portfolio".

But the best heart moment was when Bodhi, upon downing his post-dinner treat of marshmallows and hot chocolate, sighed loudly and breathed out a, "thanks for the treat, Kathleen". He then turned to me and announced: "When I'm grown up, I'm totally going to buy you a package of gum".

His chocolatey-marshmallowy finger pointed to Charlee, "not you!", and to Jane, "not you!", and then to me, "but just for you!"

In the mind of a 5 year old, that may count as a marriage proposal. I'm not exactly sure.

A moment to recognize.

"He comes to us in the brokenness of our health, in the shipwreck of our family lives, in the loss of all possible peace of mind, even in the very thick of our sins. He saves us in our disasters, not from them. He emphatically does not promise to meet only the odd winner of the self-improvement lottery. He meets us all in our endless and inescapable losing."

- Robert Farrar Capon

It is not my story to share, but as a member of this heart home of mine, I truly cannot continue blogging about life without first taking a moment to recognize... 

the words of my heart sis.

the words of my heart bro. 

All I can say is that what Capon says is true.
God meets us in the darkness.

The truth about the tooth fairy.

Tonight, Charlee and I were talking about losing a tooth, and what happens.

I told her I could remember my first lost tooth. The discussion went a little something like this...

Me: So, I was like 6 years old, and I was in school, in the library. We were looking at books, and suddenly my tooth wasn't in my mouth any more! And guess what happened? That night I put it under my pillow, and in the morning, do you know what was there?

Charlee: A candy?

Me: Nope! Money!! And do you know what? Who do you think put it there? (Dramatic pause...and hushed voice) Do you think it was the tooth fairy? 

Charlee: (leans in and whispers)...Kathleen...I think it was your parents!

This dear child must think I don't know much about the world.

Tweener.

If any of you have ever played Hoopla, you'll appreciate this one at a whole other level...

Today during lunch with the kiddos, Jane started talking about someone she met at a friend's house, and described him as "scary". Bodhi quickly replied to say he wasn't scary. I asked Jane why he was scary (she had no real reason...), while Bodhi tried to explain who this boy was to me.

Bodhi: Yeah, he's like older than me, but he's not a grown up.

Me: So how old is he...is he like Charlee's age? Or is he like Kyla's age? Or like Joey's age? Or like Reuben's age? (I had a few examples to work with...)

Bodhi: No, he's not like any of them.

Me: So, how old do you think he is?

Bodhi: Well, I don't know...maybe 8? or 10? Ok...Kathleen, I know! He's bigger than a bird....but smaller than a dinosaur.

Me: OH! Well.... that definitely... helps.

Seasons collide.

How do you recover from an almost four month blogging hiatus?

You just start typing.

Before I get carried away, I want to first state: I AM FINISHED!

I can't go any further without saying I didn't accomplish it on my own.

I want to share here a small section of my acknowledgements (if you want the full version, along with my other 82 pages of sweat and tears, just let me know and I'll send you the e-copy in all its glory):

To those who rang the cowbells for me: I hear them!  Thank you for your emails and facebook messages, your gifts, your survival kits (I am talking to you, Lana), and your many text messages.  With each one I felt a burst of energy and creativity.  As cheesy as it sounds, your love was inspirational.  Thank you.  (And a special thanks to those lovely ladies who rallied my cheerleaders together. You know who you are). 

I have had a lot of people ask me lately if I feel like a new girl; if I don't know what to do with myself; if I have fully grasped what it means to not have to come home and read, write and study each night. 

My answer to all who have asked....

Not really.

You see, I happened to (well, I planned to...) finish my masters' degree with a full day to spare before the chaos of a new college year started. I handed in the final paper at 11:58pm on a Saturday night. I had one glorious Sunday free. And then, the student leaders arrived for training on Monday. 

And I have been running ever since. 

This semester is kicking my butt. 

And so, before I get to celebrate the fact that I'm done with one season, I am fully invested in the next.

It can get overwhelming. 

That's why I'm reading this a lot:

And that's why this song is on repeat: